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Okay, so after work today, I wasn't feeling much like going straight home to lock myself in my room and watch my room mate play Call of Duty all night, as fun as that may sound. I know, why would I want to miss that? So I decided to go to a Barnes and Noble store by me at the Bowie Town Center (or Mall, or whatever they call it). It's an interesting mall - completely out door. I mean, of course the stores are enclosed, but when you come out of the store, you are in the wide open. It was kinda nice. I could window shop while feeling like I was in one of those small town market type places, but it's filled with Brand name type places like B&N, Starbucks, Chipotle, PacSun, American Eagle, Old Navy. You name it, it was probably there. And of course a Macy's and a Sears as well, just to round things off a little bit.

So this friend of mine has been telling me that I need to update my wardrobe a lil bit. Well, what she says is that she wants to pretty much do an overhaul (getting rid of the shirts I have for new clothing). So I figured I'd humor her and, after stopping by the B&N, I would go around to the clothing shops and take a look around for myself before venturing out with her to pick out some new duds (or whatever they call 'clothing' these days).

Okay, so tell me - where the hell was I when buying clothes became such a freaking chore! I mean really. I seriously kept thinking to myself "okay, where's the 'shirt' section and where's the 'pants' section." I couldn't find anything but the "I'm trying to look like a douchebag" section and the "I'm trying to make people think I have a lot of money" section. To be honest, the whole thing was bumming me out. I kept looking everywhere and seeing nothing but status symbols - sunglasses, shoes, shirts that cost 20 bucks each, pants that cost like 30 or 40 dollars. I really don't understand how some people do it. What bums me out is that we put so much stock into clothes and shit that we don't need! I mean, these people are telling US what the hip new trend is, and we buy into it willingly. Well I say fuck that, I'm not having it. I'll stay with my t-shirts and jeans until they wear through. The clothes I have do exactly what they are supposed to do - cover my body and keep me warm. I don't need fuckin... scarves and... warm-up jackets and... like $150 shoes. I don't want leather jackets or like... $40 or 50 pants or any of that stuff. I'll keep finding my shirts for $7 or 8, Thank you very much :-P.

Feel free to try and convince me otherwise. And Sandy, we'll talk about goin out to shop - I might still be up for it, but I'm keeping my stance of not promising to buy anything
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I was wondering tonight when it became unacceptable to have a shitty day. I went to the super market, smiled at strangers. People came up to me and asked "Hey, how are you doing today?" "GOOD! GRAND! GREAT! OTHER WORDS THAT BEGIN WITH "G" AND COULD BE SAID IN CAPITAL LETTERS MEANING SUPER!"

Why can't I just say whats really goin on today? I'm having a shitty day. Maybe not the whole day, but the part in which they were asking me. I've just been tired, lonely, down, etc etc. One of those days you just feel like eating a pint of ice cream (which I got at the grocery store. Ben and Jerry's Creme Bruele! Delicious!) and watching a chick flick.  You ladies know what I'm talkin about.

But really - when did it become completely unacceptable to have a shitty day in public.  I think as a christian, I feel like I'm supposed to be jolly and joyous all the time - "God is good!  All the time!  yay Jesus!"  and junx.  So to remind myself that its okay to bitch once in a while, I opened up to a psalm that my pastor told me to read this week.

Psalm 22. (The Message) 
God, God...my God! Why did you dump me
      miles from nowhere?
   Doubled up with pain, I call to God
      all the day long. No answer. Nothing.
   I keep at it all night, tossing and turning.
And here I am, a nothing—an earthworm,
      something to step on, to squash.
   Everyone pokes fun at me;
      they make faces at me, they shake their heads:
   "Let's see how God handles this one;
      since God likes him so much, let him help him!"

I mean really.  Who hasn't felt like that once in a while.  But this isn't how I was taught in Church to talk to God.  I mean, the big guy who throws down lightning bolts and stuff.  He could smote my face off if he wanted to.  David goes all out on God and REEMS Him.  I mean, really tears into Him.  But I think that there is something very important in David's psalm, and it's funny - as much as I've read this psalm, or at least have had people read it to me and tlak to me about it, I've never remembered this part about it.

Here's the story I'll tell my friends when they come to worship,
      and punctuate it with Hallelujahs:
   Shout Hallelujah, you God-worshipers;
      give glory, you sons of Jacob;
      adore him, you daughters of Israel.
   He has never let you down,
      never looked the other way
      when you were being kicked around.
   He has never wandered off to do his own thing;
      he has been right there, listening.

With all the shit that he's going through in the first 21 verses of this psalm, he remembers that God's always been there for him in the past, and that those 21 verses are but a split second in the grand scheme of the rest of time.  That the things he's going through right now aren't going to matter in the least when he closes his eyes to the night, and wakes up on the otherside to a new day.

So really... it's okay to be pissed every so often.  It's okay to have a shitty day.  The thing you have to remember is that God is with you through those times too.

While I was walking through the grocery store, sulking about my loneliness :-P, I kept thinking about how it'd be cool if I chilled with someone tonight, or something to get me around talking with people.  When I got up to the register, there were three girls helping me out all chatting with me about nothing whatsoever (the ice cream I bought, how I was wearing a World of Warcraft T-shirt even though I quit, how one girl's husband is addicted to the game, etc.), and it was all I needed to brighten my mood.  God always just seems to know what I need and provides exactly that.

As for now, it's time for sleep, because tomorrow is a new day.

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So Erin's dad gave me this CD on Sunday. He told me he listened to this guy's talk, David Toyne from Agape Christian Family church in Clear Lake, Iowa, and he thought of me. Apparently, this pastor went through the passing of his parents at an early age much like I did with my mom and grandmother. What I love about the way God works is that he'll take something small like that - "Hey I thought of you when I saw this because it's blue and your favorite color is blue." It's such a small thing that you think nothing more of it. But GOD... because He's God, uses that as a way to get to the person receiving the gift. Let me explain.

So Erin's dad thought of me cause David Toyne lost his parents at a young age as did I with my mother. But as I listened to David's talk, it spoke to exactly where I am in my walk. It hit so close to home I almost had to pull off the road because I couldn't see through my tears. I did, however, take a few more minutes outside in my car before going into work to make sure I was composed.

David uses the idea of an Iceberg (the whole only 10% is above the surface of the water thing). The main idea is that there are surface things in our lives, we call Behaviors, but there are things under the surface that we need to be more concerned about. Changing the behavior, changing the surface, isn't going to fix the main issue. If you build your house on a faulty foundation, it will eventually fall, and what it does fall, it's going to hurt a lot of people.

On the tip of the Iceberg, as I said, is Behavior. Below that is Beliefs. Below that is our Values. And what makes it all work is our Relationships.

Behavior (surface)
Beliefs (below the surface)

As David says, our Relationships create our Values, our Values create our Beliefs, and our Beliefs cause our Behavior. I think the thing that hit me the most was when he started saying that, if we focus on behavior - what we DO - over all, we're missing the mark. We fall into that "human doing" rather than "human being" type of thing. We become actors and actresses, playing a role. And we all do it. There's the person we are at work... the person we are at home... the person we are at church, and heck... even the person we are in the parking lot at church is sometimes different than who we were inside!

So the idea is that we have to start somewhere deeper than the Behaviors to fix what's really going on. And this is what hit me. I've been struggling with getting a foot hold on this whole Christianity thing because everyone I've ever talked to, including the church I was raised in, gave me the Gospel like this:

1. Go to church on Sundays
2. Give 10% of your income to the Church
3. Pray 3 times a day
4. Read the Bible daily
5. etc. etc etc.

Growing up, I was given the list of do's and don'ts of Christianity. "Here's the checklist for getting into Heaven." And I HATE it. We muddle our faith down into a checklist, which makes what Jesus did on the cross completely null and void. We've taken the His death on the cross and spit on it because we think that we can do it ourselves. "All I need to do is be a good person, go to church, and I'm good to go!" The religion for a lot of people, and it's sad really, has become about signing off on a to-do list rather than having a relationship with God, the whole reason for Jesus coming and dying on the cross.

Anyway, the real thing that hit me so hard - the reason God had Erin's Dad give me the CD - is because some of my behavior, I think, might stem from things that happened, or even didn't happen, in my past. But instead of working on the real problem, I just try and change my behavior, but it doesn't do any good because my foundation is still screwed up.  Anyway,  I need to pray about a few things, and I'll get back to you guys further.

Couple of great quotes from the talk:
  • "Being God is a tough job unless you happen to be God."
  • Jesus didn't come to bring another world religion. He came to bring us life and life to the fullest through a relationship with the one true and living God through Jesus Christ, His son.
  • Jack Frost: "You were created in God's image, and God is love.  If you are uncomfortable with God, you are uncomfortable with love.  If you are uncomfortable with love, you are uncomfortable with yourself.  If you are uncomfortable with yourself, you are going to be uncomfortable with others.  If you do not believe you are lovable, you may find it difficult to receive God's gift of unmerited love and favor.  And if may be difficult to enjoy healthy relationships with others if you view yourself differently from the way God views you."
  • THIS IS THE BIG ONE: "Sometimes life is about what happened to us, and sometimes life is about what didn't happen for us."  
For those of you interested in listening to this talk, I'm gonna put a link up to me and my room mate's share on my Facebook.  Let me know if you're interested and I'll get you the password and stuff for it.  It's a really good talk - about an hour long.
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I took a later than normal lunch today.  I was working in the server room - a bitter cold room with noisy machines - staring at a computer screen watching the little hour glass flip over... and over... and over, installing new operating systems onto this machine over, and over, and over again.  I think you get my meaning.  It's boring, tedious, monotonous. 

Well, the past few months of me doing this finally caught up to me today.  I left for lunch a little later than normal, as I said, not on purpose but just because I fell into a daze staring at the computer lights blink.  So I left.  I grabbed my bible and headed out for my car.

Earlier that day, when I was coming to work, I came up to the corner of 175 and 95 (if you're coming up route 95N and you take the exit to 175W towards Columbia,  it's the stoplight you come to when you cross over 175E).  There's always someone standing on the corner there.  I met one guy the other day.  His name is James - good name, I told him.  He and his friends are looking to put together a shelter for the homeless - he himself being homeless, this touched my heart.  I've been praying for him and his friends ever since.  Every time I see someone new, I make sure to stop and tell them that I'm praying for them, and I ask them their name so I can make sure to talk to God about them specifically.  Today I met Bob. 

"Mornin' Sir, how are you doin today?"
He looked up to me slowly and asked "do you have any water?"
I looked down in my car and saw the can of soda that I had to tide me over after lunch.  "You can have this soda if you'd like."
"Is it cold?"
"Yes sir, all yours."

I didn't tell him about the dozens of times that I had driven by without saying a word or even stopping.  I didn't mention the times I had passed by and saw him reading his bible.  I didn't tell him that it was hard for me to stop and take time out to even pray for him.  All I did was give him my soda.  "God bless you," he said to me.  I asked him his name and told him that I'd continue to pray for him and his friends. 

It was at this point that the light had apparently turned green and the gentlemen behind me felt it was his duty to tell me.  Blaring on the horn, I almost ignored him.  I wanted my time with Bob.  I wanted to get out of my car and pray with him.  But the world was telling me to move on, time is money, green means go.  So I left Bob on the corner and headed to work.

At lunch I decided I was going to drive by the closest safeway and pick up a loaf of bread, some peanut butter, maybe some jelly, and a couple bottles of water for Bob and I to have some lunch.  I wanted to talk to him about his life.  Find out more about  him and his friends, and of course, get a chance to pray for him.

Some cloud was over me today at lunch, though.  My mind was just drifting in a haze.  Thinking back, can't fully remember where I went or what I did.  I remember just making wrong turns though.  Getting stuck going towards where Bob was instead of going towards the grocery store.  Well I passed by his corner and saw that he wasn't there - there goes that idea. 

Driving around at lunch I just got to thinking how noisy the world is.  How can anyone hear anything?  I went out with my Bible and with God in my heart, but I couldn't even hear him.  Everyone was trying to go to the same place, but they had to get there faster.  People were cutting each other off, cursing at each other, blaring music, honking horns, and ignoring each other completely.  And that's when I decided...

It's a cold, diluted.

And the only way I have any hope for another day or see the goodness in this world is through Jesus Christ.  And the only way that I have survived mentally and emotionally at this job of mine is through the His strength. 

Lord, I want to be a part of what you're already doing in this world.  Use my hands to build, use my lips to speak, use my feet to go after Your will.  To you be the glory, amen.


Current Location: In an cold, noisy server room

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okay, so I finished cleaning up after the party I had last night. It was a GREAT time. Much better than the last party that took place here. Things just go smoother when I take responsibility for everything :-P.

Anyway, I wanted to share with everyone that wasn't able to come the toast that I made. It was really important to me that I make this toast, and I don't think everyone that was at the party was prepared for me to actually say something... poignant. This thing has been on my heart for a while now and it was my pleasure to share it with everyone.

A toast to friendship. To close friends and ones far away. For old friends and new ones. For friends you care for, friends you love, and friends you'd take a bullet for. And finally for Family - and if I call you a friend, I count you are among the closest family I have.

I shouldn't have to say who is who in this toast. If I'd take a bullet for you, you should know. Close friends from columbia and UMBC, and my far away friends in other states and other countries.

But family - some of you know that I'm not really that close with my family. I've looked for every opportunity not to live at home and to move away from them. My brother is really the only family I have left I feel sometimes. But you guys... my true friends... you are my family, the ones I love and would die for. I owe my life to you all and thank God for blessing me daily with your smiles and laughter.

To Friends

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I think I might have that thing where like... during the winter season, you become depressed or whatever? Either that or I just have more time on my hands to actually ponder about the important shit. During the spring and Fall I'm so busy with classes and junx that I can't really sit and be like "what the hell am I doing with my life?"

I'm sitting here in my room... listening to the harmonies of drunken friends and acquaintances in my common room, migrating closer and closer to my room for some reason *locks the door*... and I'm just... I dunno...

I love my friends, its nothing like that. Its just sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with responsibilities even though I'm the only one that hasn't graduated yet. Like tonight I had to work from 6 - midnight at the liquor store... I had a rehearsal early this morning, and tomorrow morning I gotta drive an hour to silver spring to sing at 8:30 in the morning... and then I got light duty at my church later that night. I dunno... Maybe I'm just a little pissed cause it was the worst possible night for a party. Maybe it's also because I feel like the one person that said these guys could be here isn't even paying attention to the party so I Have to play mother like I always freakin do. I mean, seriously... what the hell? How do you host a party and then don't even show up to it? It's 1:30 and I need to sleep...

*sigh* But I guess what I end up coming to is the idea of living up to my potential. Thinking about this getting paid to perform with this choir in silver spring... I mean, that's pretty sweet. I was driving home from work tonight thinking about why I didn't ever pursue this whole singing thing. I mean, I'm pretty good... or at least my drunk friends say so. My technique could use a lot of work, but why didn't I do anything about it... why don't I? I always said that I didn't want Music to become a job to me or else I would hate it... but maybe that's just me making excuses. I dunno.

I guess I wanna start performing more. If anyone knows of any gigs... that includes acting in plays or musicals, singing with rock bands, jazz bands, a cappella bands, or whatever... let me know. I'm a tenor for hire... a prostitute for my art... selling my voice for money!


Current Music: Andrea Bocelli - La voce del silenzio

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Sometimes, I really feel bad for being Christian. Not because it's hard to live up to the standards in the rule book... I mean, the Bible. Not because of all the persecution I get living in White Middle Class America (for those of you who missed it, that was a joke... we're like 80% Christian in one way or another). It's more of watching good Christianity go bad. I talk to some of my co-workers and friends about their views on religion. most aren't very slow to contest Catholicism. More educated ones will say something about the Crusades or even Holy Mother Church's stance of neutrality during World War II. Some will just say that they think organized religion is a hock.

And sometimes I believe them.

I mean, the problem with organized religion is that one group stands underneath of a set of rules governed by a higher body - not always the bible in the case of Catholicism - and pretty much what higher power says, goes, and if you don't like it, tough cookies (which are terrible, btw... much better right out of the oven).

And maybe that's the problem with Catholicism, is that they don't always follow the Bible on stuff, I dunno. Like with Divorce, for instance. I bet you didn't know that during Pope John Paul II's reign, it was deemed okay to Divorce now, even though the Bible is pretty clear that Divorce is wrong, but then remarrying (specifically remarrying a divorced woman) is sinful. That's just the start of things messed up with that religion... but that's not really my point of this rant (more just to get your attention).


That's a story that I heard on the radio the other day - a local Christian music station. I totally understand why they aired it - trying to get families involved in the school curriculum and all. They were saying things about "the rights of the parents" which they clearly didn't understand that, since it's a PUBLIC school system, they have no rights. But thats a whole other story.

The hosts of the morning show started their own little gay bashing rants saying that being homosexual/gay is unnatural etc. etc. These are the same people that after "I Can Only Imagine" plays, like to think how amazing it'll be when we are dancing on clouds at the feet of our Savior (and what a grand day that will be). So here's my question - where does being a Christian start and stop?

I'm so sick and tired of all this "DOWN WITH GAYS" crap that comes from the Christian Reich when Jesus is pretty clear about Love thy neighbor as thy self. It's right there in the 10 commandments along with not killing people and not coveting. We're pretty good with the not killing part... go us! 1/10 ain't bad, right?

So I was thinking to myself today, which I do a lot when I feel strongly about something. I was thinking what I would say to someone who asked me what I think about Gays and Lesbians as a Christian. I soon realized that no one HAD asked me, but then thought "Hey, I have a blog that I can post about everything I think about everything even if no one cares," so here's my thoughts:

Here's where I think Christians go wrong in interpreting the Bible (of course this is my own interpretation, but it makes more sense then "well... THEY are going to hell because of who they are!"). Back in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, there were places you could go, like brothels, that you could pay a person of the same sex (usually men since women had no rights back then) to have sex with you. This was a normal practice there. I'm unsure whether or not it was looked down upon, but considering it went on for so long without anything happening (you know, except for the whole raining down fire and brimstone thing), I can assume it was at least legal, and not done in secrecy. So here's where the translation to our time is messed up. Back in those days, there was no such thing as "gay or lesbian." Ever notice how it says "do not lie with another man" instead of "yeah, don't be gay?" Thats not because he was being poetic. Whoever was writing was trying to explain something they didn't have a word for. The term for Gay or Lesbian as a identity didn't come around until the late 80s really. We would have never looked at a guy and been like "oh, he has sex with men? That means he's gay." They wouldn't have been "gay," they would have been a man that sleeps with other men on occasion.

So, with that in mind. The media, as always, is at fault again for perpetuate the issue of delineating between Gay/Lesbian acts and the person themselves. The people ("gays and lesbians") are forgotten in this war. Thats my biggest problem is that we forget that we're talking about people rather than a sin. No one is old enough to remember when this happened (nor am I), but history will tell you that in the past, it was believed that Blacks were people that were marked by the devil. Their dark skin was the painted by the devil's brush. No one believed that Black people could be saved - and that was a fact. Before Jesus, it was questionable whether women could be saved - they just weren't as graced as men, or just not loved enough by God, you know... since they screwed up everything in Eden.

Does anyone else see a pattern here?

So here's my final statement. I could rant about this for hours, but I have to go to work in like... 3 minutes. Do I think that Gay/Lesbians are bad people because they commit sins? No, of course not. Why? Because Jesus didn't come and die on a bloody cross so that WE could choose who can go with him. Jesus came for the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the sinners... THE SINNNERS. He came to redeem the world, not just your neighborhood, not just a city. The world. Do I think that Sodomy is wrong? Yes. So here's the delineation. Hate the sin, not the sinner. We are taught to love everyone no matter what kind of cross they bear.

Can Gay/Lesbians be saved if they believe in Jesus? Yes, I believe they can. Here's the issue with that. Believing in Jesus means obedience to Him. That means trying to follow his Commands - i.e. trying not to sin. That means that gays/lesbians wouldn't be able to have sex with people of the same sex. Seems like asking a lot? Well, many men walk around with crosses that are just as hard to bear... Not watching Porn on the net... not masturbating... some might even find it hard NOT to kill because of some thrill they get out of it. It's all relative, son.

I like to think of Paul in Jail pleading with God to take away the daemons that are inside of him - the sin that plagues him. What would you think of Paul if it turned out that he liked having sex with other men? How would that change his words for you? Think about that one.


Current Location: My basement
Current Music: silence... the clicking of my keyboard

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I had an interesting study today with my boy Cash. Did you know the word "Christian" is only used three times throughout the whole bible? THREE TIMES!! It's crazy when you think that Disciple is used 270 times in the New Testament alone. Kinda crazy - what's more is that a lot of us (even me) look at disciples and Christians as different things. Maybe that disciples are just more hardcore Christians, or that disciples are more active in their pursuit of Christ than those that call themselves Christians. The truth is in Acts 11:26. Barnabus & Saul went to Antioch and met with people for a whole year and taught them. It says "the disciples were called Christians first at Antioch." Christians and Disciples are the same thing. So why do we regard them so differently? Why do we look at Christianity in different levels?

I think that is a problem with our Church - there is a definite feeling of different levels of Christianity. Think of it like... buying software. You have a free trial first - no commitment, just seeing how things work with you and your system. If it doesn't work well with how you do things, then just get rid of it. BUT, if you like it, you might come to spend a little more money on the basic version. The basic version is much like the free trial - main difference is that the trial was only for 30 days - didn't last very long. The Basic version lets you use the software indefinitely. The Basic version ALSO lets you use some features of the program that you never realized were at your disposal. This may intrigue you! You start to wonder what other things could be in this program that could make your life easier. So you upgrade to the Premium version. This version not only gives you access to more features but also comes with a User's Manual (note the reference to the Bible). Whats more is that it also allows you access to the special 24 hour help line in case anything is wrong. The final upgrade is to the Super Gold Platinum edition. This edition is a standalone computer - not just software that runs on your system, it IS it's own system. The 24 hour help line is still there, but now you also have access to special training program to help you use the system better. This program now becomes your life - you live it, breathe it, and wouldn't know what to do without it - you would die for that program.

Can you place yourself into one of those categories? It's an interesting idea to think of it all this way. I'm sure the Apostles thought the same thing when Jesus came along asking them to leave their boats, their nets... their family and stop being fishermen, and become "fishers of men." And yet they did.

The study Cash and I did was about discipleship and what it really means to be a Christian/Disciple. We looked at two chapters in Luke. This first, Luke 9:57-67, talked about three words - Whatever, Whenever, Wherever. Jesus talks here to three different men. The first says that he will follow Jesus wherever he goes. Jesus replies 'are you sure?' He says 'You realize the Son of Man has no place to sleep? You realize it's not going to be all rainbows and bubblegum drops.' Of course not in those words, but something like that. In his own way, Jesus says that to follow Him you have to do whatever it takes. The second man says he'll come but must attend to his elderly father first. To this Jesus says no. 'I am calling you now' (Whenever). The third man, Jesus says, worries too much of the past, and that he is needed here and now (wherever). This is how we are called to serve. Whatever, Whenever, Wherever.

The other passage, Luke 14:25-35, brings me back to my metaphor of the software packages. The beginning of the passage says clearly that If anyone comes to Jesus and does not love Him over everything - "mother, father, wife, children, brothers sister - yes even his own life" - then he cannot be His disciple. "And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Cash asked me what it meant to 'carry your cross.' I was always taught that it meant to carry your burdens. Cash elaborated that in those times, as when Jesus carried His cross, it meant you were going to die. You were humiliated, scoffed at, spit on, possibly beaten, and in the end you died on that cross. Jesus here asks us - are you ready to be humiliated? Spit on? Scoffed at? All for my sake, and for my name? Are you ready to die for me? Just let that idea sink in. If you had a gun to your head and the gunmen asked if you believed in God, would you be able to say yes?


Jesus continues his talk in Luke 14. He gives two examples of people who had to survey a situation before jumping into it. The first is a man that wants to build a tower. "will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?" He continues with the idea of the man being ridiculed if he jumped into the building process and couldn't finish it. People would see the unfinished project and would ridicule him. The second man in a much different situation - "Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand?" Here is the idea - We need to understand the cost before jumping into being a Christian. It's not as easy as saying "I believe in Jesus."

So back to my metaphor - lets compare costs shall we?

Free Trial Software - Free, no obligation, no contracts, no nothing.
Basic Software Package - Easy as saying "Yes I believe." -> still practically free
Premium Software Package - $45 to cover cost of Bible and gas money to and from church - but at least the prayer is free now (from guilt).
Super Gold Platinum Edition - You make a contract with Your Life, and Jesus Signs it in His Blood

How much are you willing to spend? Here's the problem. There is only one edition of the software and its the one that costs the most. We see Christianity as having these levels. But God doesn't call us to that. He calls us to be disciples. Just as Jesus' Ministry starts by calling Disciples, he also sends them out as he sends us. Matthew 28:18 says "Go make disciples of all nations." Plain and simple. No levels, no different packages we could try. It's an all or nothing kind of thing.

This is one of those hard pill to swallow type of lessons. I know this may be discouraging to some people. It was to me to hear it. But it's not. Jesus calls us to be more active in our faith. To pursue Him earnestly and eagerly, much as the first Disciples did. It may be hard to drop everything when He calls but there is so much hope in what He has in store for us. And with that I leave you to cast out your nets, with faith, hope, and love in Jesus Christ, to see what you might pull in.


Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

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*I thought I'd do this just to see how much I REALLY need to get out more! lol*

Mark the ones you've seen. There are 250 movies on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total: 6

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
(x) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleanderx
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 11

(x) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 15

(x) Harry Potter 1
( ) Harry Potter 2
( ) Harry Potter 3
( ) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 18

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 22

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snickt: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) King Kong
Total so far: 25

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
( ) Flubber
Total so far: 28

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( )Chicago
( )Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 32

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
(x) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 36

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 41

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 45

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( )Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 49

( ) X-Men
( ) X-Men2
( ) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 54

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 58

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 64

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 64

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 67

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 71

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) The Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 75

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
( ) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 78

(x) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
( ) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal
Total so far: 81

(x) Mummy
(x) Mummy Returns
(x) Sleepy Hollow
(x) Pride and Prejudice
(x) Fast and the Furious
( ) 2 Fast 2 Furious
( ) Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift
( ) Dirty Dancing
( )Fantastic Four
( )Eragon
( )Night at the museum
Total so far: 86

*Being that the person I got this to was at 135 out of 250, 86 isn't that bad for me*

Now Add them up and put "I've seen X out of 250 movies" in the subject line and repost it" in the subject line and repost it
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Is it weird to WANT to be heartbroken? to be in some kind of pain? I know masochism is wrong, that's not really what I'm talking about. Heh it's just funny I guess, I was reading through some of my poetry from days past. I haven't been writing much lately. I mean, I've tried. I get a few lines out... but nothing great or substantial, or worth following up with. I wrote one thing while I was at Urbana. Just got to thinking during one of the talks and just started writing. Got about 5 lines... but nothing that good. I just don't know where to get inspiration anymore. I used to get it from my heartache and turmoil I guess. Isn't that were most writers get their stuff from? I used to say that I got inspiration from nature... but I wrote my best stuff when I was heartbroken in some way - at least that's how i see it... I mean take this for instance:

My grip starts to slip...

The rope tied to all I thought I knew
Became the noose that strangled my vision.
Blinded by the cord which once saved me,
Now stopped my breath cold;
Once the chain that kept me from what I feared,
Now the jute of my disdain.

I find myself going through the motions
Not having any place for me,
Not having any reason for me
to heal the brokenness inside.

Where is the light at the end of my tunnel?
I strain to see
But the only light
From the bow of a fast approaching train.

And as the on coming locomotive forms at the present
I wake up.

It was a dream...
It had always been a dream.

My grip too tight.
The rope too strong.
And yet my hands,

Burnt and scarred...

I mean, it's nothing completely profound or like, is gonna cure a world issue, but I think it's pretty powerful without going completely overboard. You can feel the strain of the heart without being like "wow, get some counseling kid!" But then there are ones that I've written during good times of my life. I dunno, maybe I just don't have the eye for it like I used to. Oh, like this one (Pi_rho, you'll like this as a fellow barista). I never settled on a title. Was torn between Legal Narcotics and On That Monday Morning Commute:

Some wonder how I could possibly
Sleep at night, when all I do is draw
Them in and break their piggy banks,
Replacing them
With legal narcotics.

Like zombies they trudge
Through blasted sun and damnéd rain
And call me friend,
Knowing me
For my black gold.

Like zombies through traffic, they maneuver,
Injecting themselves with coarse white
Grain and intoxicating liquid melanin,
Feeding their
Worlds of mediocrity.

And in their midst, I
Pause and grin
As days repeat and they return
For more of that bitter
Sweet deja vus.
Take a sip.

So i guess I just miss my poetry. Here's me hoping I get back to it soon. It was always a cool release for me. Anyways, I better get to bed *cough cough* this cold is still raging, but I got stuff to do tomorrow. Working with that Quartet from my high school who are singing for The Music Man this Spring. *COUGH HACK* man... on the bright side... My abs are going to be RIPPED from all this coughing! *flex* oh yeah!

God with you all!


Current Location: Sick in bed!
Current Mood: sick *COUGH HACK COUGH SNEEZE*
Current Music: Come Back and Stay by Paul Young

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